Letter from an Army Wife

A friend of mine posted this as her status on Facebook and I was so blown away by it I wanted to share it. It brought tears to my eyes and made my nose all stuffy. So for now I dedicate it to my army wife friends. It gives us all a small window into your lives and makes me wish I could reach out and hug you all.

Dear America,
Do you remember me? I’m a military wife. The one who may or may not have a bumper sticker, an accent and an Army Wife t-shirt. My social security number, marriage license, driver’s license and car registration were all issued in different states. I am a product of my environment which means I love a Texas Longhorn burger but I still really miss my Maine lobster. I’m the one who takes too many pictures because I know once we leave here, we will never walk this way again.
I am also the one who will soon be left behind to wait. The one who will cross off 365 days and turn the calendar twelve times. I am the one who will struggle with 2am and unopened pickle jars. The one who will cry secretly and smile bravely. I am the one who will be able to tell you exactly what time it is in Korea and how long it takes for a letter to come. I’m the one who will spend the next year talking to a computer screen and sleeping on the wrong side of the
bed.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s the same thing everyone thinks. He’ll miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our birthdays and anniversary. He’ll miss a graduation, Easter, Super Bowl and 4th of July. Regardless how important those things are, they are just events. You know that they are coming and you can prepare, mentally and emotionally.
As much as I’m dreading the events he’ll miss, I’m dreading the moments even more. Those you cannot prepare for. They come without warning. They will be found in the frantic Monday morning when nothing will make me smile but a “Hi Baby” text. They will be in the long hours before dawn when I want to reach across and find him sleeping. They will be found in the Friday night movies I’ll want to share with him and the lazy Sunday afternoons. They will arrive as quickly as a summer thunderstorm or the first blooms of spring. They will be there when I realize I don’t have to buy hot sauce for a year. When the Steelers lose (and they WILL lose) and when the snow cone stand opens again. It will be my cold feet missing his warm ones. It will be the silence that comes at night instead of the steady sound of his breathing. Yes, the moments will most certainly be the hardest.
So when you see me, remember that. It’s not the big days that I will miss him the most. It’s the every days. Don’t ask me about the holidays, birthdays or graduation because I’ll have a plan for those. Ask me how I’m doing on the every day and if the tears come please understand. It’s not every day that I’ll let them fall.

An Army Wife

You would think that I'd be writing my blog more often seeing how I have been out for 9 months now with my ACL recovery but I don't feel as though I have anything to really write about.  I'm doing better though I think I'm far from 100%. I was doing well until May/June when the pain returned and my scars are still extremely sensitive. I am so self conscious about going out anymore because I can't shave my legs :( I also went from being able to stand for an hour to now being so tired after about 45 mins that I'm out for another 45 before i feel like I can stand up again. If we go grocery shopping I can't do anything the next day.  I'm also having some really strange pains in my right hip and thigh. Its almost like I cant seem to build up the muscle mass again. It refuses to get stronger :P But I see a second opinion on the 23 and hopefully he will have more answers for us.

We stopped trying for a child when I fell and have only recently had the ability to do so again. Reggie has been working in the meat department now for almost a year and he truly enjoys it. Its allowed us to catch up on bills and get ahead just a bit to where I feel comfortable with us trying again. We're hoping to have good news by December. That is our goal with out really being a goal. I am trying to follow everyone's advice and forget about it and just let it happen. Its proving to be easier than I thought and nicer not to feel like we HAVE to do the Baby Dance on a specific time frame.  I feel good about it too. We've had a few close calls where I thought I was but then Mother Nature showed up and spoiled our party :(

Also we've begun to plan a trip out to Utah for next October. I find myself homesick more and more and more lately. I miss the mountains and the "good" air. I've also found that I miss everyone there and hope that I'll be able to reconnect with a few friends and see there little ones and HOPEFULLY show off our new addition.  We'll see where things go from here. Though come H**l Or High Water I will be in Utah next year. I've already plotted the route and done up an estimate. We'll be able to Drive out there in about a day and a half and only need about 700 dollars for food and gas. Now we just need to sweet talk some relatives/friends for a couch or floor to crash on :)

The dogs are great. Draka has grown into a wonderful dog and still looks as cute as she did when she was a puppy. Bear gave us a scare about 2 months ago. We were going out for a family walk and he ended up having 6 seizures in under 30 mins then had another 4 or 5 on the way to the vet. Thankfully he calmed down when we got to go back to the vet and have him checked out. He's on meds now but they seem to be effecting his breathing which saddens me. I fear I may lose him in the coming months. Molly is still rambunctious and crazy. You'd never guess she was 7 years old.  Our cat Ash got better for a few months but he's gone back to pulling out his fur and scratching until he's raw. It makes me sad but he doesn't appear to be in pain or discomfort ( I would be with all the scabs but he seems content and happy. Though I'm keeping an eye on him everyday) Cricket is now and out door cat because he refused to use the litter box but he seems like he's a better house cat now that we let him out at night.

I think that is about everything that has happened over the last how ever long its been since I wrote last. I hope to write more about our journey in life and keep some sort of record for myself.

So...Three days late......and no signs of the "monthly visitor" coming....*blink* Testing on Friday.

Anxious

Been feeling off this week, well last few days. Showing a few signs though I'm only on CD 23. This is first month I started tracking anything in preparation for the future for us and our family and now...well I don't know I don't feel like before  my miscarriage but I feel off. Nauseated, sore, exhausted. Reggie seems excited about the prospects and I am too but I'm scared to get any form of hopes up in case AF shows up and well I'm disappointed again. Any advice from my friends would be nice. And prayers. Definitely prayers.

new draka video

between a dog and the hose :)

goofing off with photobucket

Wordless Wednesday...What's for Dinner?