Letter from an Army Wife

A friend of mine posted this as her status on Facebook and I was so blown away by it I wanted to share it. It brought tears to my eyes and made my nose all stuffy. So for now I dedicate it to my army wife friends. It gives us all a small window into your lives and makes me wish I could reach out and hug you all.

Dear America,
Do you remember me? I’m a military wife. The one who may or may not have a bumper sticker, an accent and an Army Wife t-shirt. My social security number, marriage license, driver’s license and car registration were all issued in different states. I am a product of my environment which means I love a Texas Longhorn burger but I still really miss my Maine lobster. I’m the one who takes too many pictures because I know once we leave here, we will never walk this way again.
I am also the one who will soon be left behind to wait. The one who will cross off 365 days and turn the calendar twelve times. I am the one who will struggle with 2am and unopened pickle jars. The one who will cry secretly and smile bravely. I am the one who will be able to tell you exactly what time it is in Korea and how long it takes for a letter to come. I’m the one who will spend the next year talking to a computer screen and sleeping on the wrong side of the
bed.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s the same thing everyone thinks. He’ll miss Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our birthdays and anniversary. He’ll miss a graduation, Easter, Super Bowl and 4th of July. Regardless how important those things are, they are just events. You know that they are coming and you can prepare, mentally and emotionally.
As much as I’m dreading the events he’ll miss, I’m dreading the moments even more. Those you cannot prepare for. They come without warning. They will be found in the frantic Monday morning when nothing will make me smile but a “Hi Baby” text. They will be in the long hours before dawn when I want to reach across and find him sleeping. They will be found in the Friday night movies I’ll want to share with him and the lazy Sunday afternoons. They will arrive as quickly as a summer thunderstorm or the first blooms of spring. They will be there when I realize I don’t have to buy hot sauce for a year. When the Steelers lose (and they WILL lose) and when the snow cone stand opens again. It will be my cold feet missing his warm ones. It will be the silence that comes at night instead of the steady sound of his breathing. Yes, the moments will most certainly be the hardest.
So when you see me, remember that. It’s not the big days that I will miss him the most. It’s the every days. Don’t ask me about the holidays, birthdays or graduation because I’ll have a plan for those. Ask me how I’m doing on the every day and if the tears come please understand. It’s not every day that I’ll let them fall.

An Army Wife

You would think that I'd be writing my blog more often seeing how I have been out for 9 months now with my ACL recovery but I don't feel as though I have anything to really write about.  I'm doing better though I think I'm far from 100%. I was doing well until May/June when the pain returned and my scars are still extremely sensitive. I am so self conscious about going out anymore because I can't shave my legs :( I also went from being able to stand for an hour to now being so tired after about 45 mins that I'm out for another 45 before i feel like I can stand up again. If we go grocery shopping I can't do anything the next day.  I'm also having some really strange pains in my right hip and thigh. Its almost like I cant seem to build up the muscle mass again. It refuses to get stronger :P But I see a second opinion on the 23 and hopefully he will have more answers for us.

We stopped trying for a child when I fell and have only recently had the ability to do so again. Reggie has been working in the meat department now for almost a year and he truly enjoys it. Its allowed us to catch up on bills and get ahead just a bit to where I feel comfortable with us trying again. We're hoping to have good news by December. That is our goal with out really being a goal. I am trying to follow everyone's advice and forget about it and just let it happen. Its proving to be easier than I thought and nicer not to feel like we HAVE to do the Baby Dance on a specific time frame.  I feel good about it too. We've had a few close calls where I thought I was but then Mother Nature showed up and spoiled our party :(

Also we've begun to plan a trip out to Utah for next October. I find myself homesick more and more and more lately. I miss the mountains and the "good" air. I've also found that I miss everyone there and hope that I'll be able to reconnect with a few friends and see there little ones and HOPEFULLY show off our new addition.  We'll see where things go from here. Though come H**l Or High Water I will be in Utah next year. I've already plotted the route and done up an estimate. We'll be able to Drive out there in about a day and a half and only need about 700 dollars for food and gas. Now we just need to sweet talk some relatives/friends for a couch or floor to crash on :)

The dogs are great. Draka has grown into a wonderful dog and still looks as cute as she did when she was a puppy. Bear gave us a scare about 2 months ago. We were going out for a family walk and he ended up having 6 seizures in under 30 mins then had another 4 or 5 on the way to the vet. Thankfully he calmed down when we got to go back to the vet and have him checked out. He's on meds now but they seem to be effecting his breathing which saddens me. I fear I may lose him in the coming months. Molly is still rambunctious and crazy. You'd never guess she was 7 years old.  Our cat Ash got better for a few months but he's gone back to pulling out his fur and scratching until he's raw. It makes me sad but he doesn't appear to be in pain or discomfort ( I would be with all the scabs but he seems content and happy. Though I'm keeping an eye on him everyday) Cricket is now and out door cat because he refused to use the litter box but he seems like he's a better house cat now that we let him out at night.

I think that is about everything that has happened over the last how ever long its been since I wrote last. I hope to write more about our journey in life and keep some sort of record for myself.

So...Three days late......and no signs of the "monthly visitor" coming....*blink* Testing on Friday.

Anxious

Been feeling off this week, well last few days. Showing a few signs though I'm only on CD 23. This is first month I started tracking anything in preparation for the future for us and our family and now...well I don't know I don't feel like before  my miscarriage but I feel off. Nauseated, sore, exhausted. Reggie seems excited about the prospects and I am too but I'm scared to get any form of hopes up in case AF shows up and well I'm disappointed again. Any advice from my friends would be nice. And prayers. Definitely prayers.

new draka video

between a dog and the hose :)

goofing off with photobucket

Wordless Wednesday...What's for Dinner?

Wordless Wednesday...Water and Draka

Its a miricle

I came home and made this after work and then went to bed 2 1/2 hours later....... something must be wrong with me that I actually ate BREAKFAST. even if it was dinner to me LOL

Wordless Wednesday: BOOOOM!!!!

What a weekend....

My 13 year old cousin came out from Utah and Sunday I managed to find away to go up without losing hours at work or switching shifts. It was so much fun and was super relaxing. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed to stay up from 6pm Saturday night till 2am Monday morning before passing out and apparently snoring my head off. While we didn't do much we did go up to a civil war museum to watch a Cannon demonstration and I'll probably be posting the video for my wordless Wednesday tomorrow before we head out for Melyanne's first birthday party. After the civil war Museum though we went on a 2 hour walking tour of some of the most haunted places in Roswell Georgia. The tour wasn't AMAZING but we did catch some interesting things :) If you find something that you want me to send you a copy of blown up so you can determine what it is in the picture that's fine. I don't mind some of the things we caught you have to zoom in to really see. I'll do another post with more refined evidence. But i need to make dinner and go to work. Can't be late for only my second day as full time. ( more on the good fortune that has befallen us later.)

                                 Orange orbs...bugs white orb......dust or orb what do you think?

                  there are several orbs in this picture.....needs more evaluation before i can say anything for sure

                           this black figure was in three shots we took but when Reggie zoomed in.....

Its gone?

Gonna have to post a zoomed in shot of this picture. That white thing is actually 6 illuminated orbs stacked. 

The hollow orbs are dust.....the the ones that look like they are GIVING off light aren't dust or fireflies. Will post a picture of what the fire flies look like when caught on camera later.

Wordless Wednesday: Hanging around

Monday's Memory:Birthday!

Randomly today I remembered a birthday that I will probably never forget. Worst part is that i dont' talk to this person anymore. Makes me sad when i realize just how many people I've lost contact with over the years. But this was my 12th or 13th birthday. My mom had left before I woke up that morning and hadn't said anything to me and when I got down to the bus stop no one had said anything to me. I went the entire day with out a single person I knew saying anything to me. It was as if everyone had forgotten my birthday. I ate my lunch alone and made my way to sit out side my Utah History class. I think I even had started crying when a guy walked up to me. I'd talked to him a few times in class but I wouldn't have called us friends at the time. He sat down next to me and asked me what was wrong. I told him about my day and then rested my head back down on my knees. He disappeared some where and when the bell rang and our teacher had unlocked the door I made my way to my seat. As everyone filed into the class room everyone walked over and wished me Happy Birthday. I found out later that he'd asked everyone to say something to me. Even though it started out crappy I think that was one of my best birthdays ever thanks to that kid.

Wordless Wednesday...

Wordless Wednesday: too much fun.

Menu

getting my butt whooped

25 ...

I turned 25 on Saturday....half way to 50. Scary huh? Had a good birthday though. My friends Liz and Deanna came down from Atlanta to celebrate with me on Friday and Melyanne, Edith and Darrell came over as well. It was so much fun just to hang  out with friends again. I miss having that interaction with fleshies and not techies. Don't get me wrong I love my WoW folks but its just not as much fun as having real people here with you playing Kinect and laughing. I wish that I'd had more people here but most of those people I don't think I'll see again. Which makes me sad but thanks to Facebook and other media I can watch their kids grow up as well as them and their significant others. Its nice to know that it is so easy to keep in touch with those you care about. I keep hoping that Reg and I can one day set aside the nessicary funds to go back to Utah for a week or so just so I can see people again. I remember so many wonderful moments from High School and Jr. High.  I really miss those days. Figured I'd do a post so I could post pictures from the event :)

What is is Mommy?

I was babysitting before the party and I was getting things ready in the kitchen...I turn to check on Melyanne and this is what I saw. She's sleeping not dead LOL

Yummy dinner :)

Lovable molly. Has to kiss everyone

We made Mini burgers just for Melyanne

Outside teal

Inside pink :)

The final Product Cheese Stuffed Burgers :)

Rocking out after dinner. Edit and Melyanne.

Molly Loved to lick Liz's face. I think she's salty :P

Birthday Girl chillin out after dinner

The Finished Cake.....It was SOOOOOOOO good.

Darrell the super model.

This is why you don't let Canadians and Chileans near Icing......>.<

All Tuckered out from all the guests.

The lovely wrapping paper that Deanna Did on my presents. They were so cute. :) They got me some original copies of my favorite series.

Monday's Memory: Engaged

Now its nothing fancy and its rather short but I thought I'd share my memories of when Reggie proposed to me. Well I'd been waiting for him to ask me for about 2 years before he finally popped the question. I'd always get answers like "i'm not sure I wanna marry you yet." or "I have a plan just be patient." It frustrated me to no end. I was always used to hearing people dated for a few months and got married. We'd been together for 2 years almost 3 when he finally proposed.

Every year Reggie's family celebrates the family Christmases on Christmas Eve since they usually go to one of Joyce's siblings or her family comes to their house (it rotates every year.) We were going to spend Christmas Eve down here with his family and I was going to go to my moms for Christmas Day since Reggie had to work that year. I hated it so much but I couldn't help his schedule. Reggie brought over Spark of Insanity and we were playing it in the back ground. We'd finished dinner and I was watching in the recliner and Reggie's parents were in the kitchen cleaning up  when the clock hit 12 AM. Well Reggie got all excited and told me that I had to get my gift then. So he got a bag out from under the tree and got down on one knee. Took the ring box out of the bag and presented me with the ring. I about died. Then amid the pause you hear "SILENCE i KILL YOU!"  What timing right. :P

 Two years later I married him at the court house surrounded by the people we loved the most and we've been happy ever since and always will be no matter what happens in life.

Happy Birthday!

Today we are going up to get some college friends of mine for my birthday weekend.I have tomorrow off so we're going to have a barbecue with them and a friend of mine from work, her baby girl and her husband. Should be a good time had by all. I'll be turning 25. Wow.....i'm getting old. I used to tease Reggie about being old when he turned 25 and this year he turned 27. Its amazing how time seems to fly by you as you get older. I remember as a kid time seemed so slow it hurt and now......I've been married for 2 years already. How did that happen. Its amazing how much you sober up knowing that you are already half way to 50 which is where life seems to slow down just a little bit. I wanted to have my kids by now and I wanted to be a teacher but I have achieved so little and time just keeps whizzing by me. I have no regrets don't get me wrong its just amazing to see what my life is now compared to how I thought it would be. I'm glad we've waited to have kids. Its given Reggie and I the opportunity to explore our intimacy and have "married" time. I do fear that it will be hard on Reggie when we do have kids. However, I have seen that side of him through Melyanne and the time we've spent with her. He'll kill me for saying this but he is wonderful with kids. I remember him telling me how much he hated being around babies and that joking that we should adopt an older child so he doesn't h ave to deal with the 1-5 years but I don't believe him now. the way he helps me with Melyanne when I babysit proves that too me. He's so kind and gentle and sweet. She may not be ours but she sure has Reggie wrapped around her little finger. So Saturday I meet 25 and what do I have to show for it. A loving husband and 6 "furry" babies who love me. I'm employed and surviving in this hard time. I have good friends who care about me all around the world and so many other blessings in this life. Happy birthday to me :)

left out

Some times I look at my friend's pictures of their kids and find myself yearning to have what they have. Don't get me wrong my six furry babies keep me busy but its not the same. I want to hold a baby in my arm and see them smiling back at me. I want to see a little being grow up fast and look just like her father. I want to watch them crawl and walk and talk. I feel like they all belong to this club that I may never join. I know everyone keeps telling me to stop wanting a baby so badly and thats when it will happen to us but they don't understand. The only thing I've known for sure in this life time is that I want to be a mom. I want to know the joy of waking up every four hours to nurse and be drained the next day at work. I watch it happen around me with my friends and even though they say its the worst you can tell they love being a parent. I just hope that I don't end up disappointing Reggie some how if I can't have children. I shouldn't say that. I've been blessed with a vision of my baby girl. I know I'll have her some day but I can't help wanting her to join our family NOW! Yes you read that right. I've seen my baby girl. I wasn't asleep I was mediating when I saw her playing on the ground with her toys. Blond hair Brown eyes and she looked just like Reggie. I felt the joy of a mother when I saw her there smiling up at me. I know its silly but I hold on to that image each day close to my heart. Soon I keep telling myself that. And I guess since no one really reads this that will leak info....yes Reggie and I have started trying. Stupid I know since we really aren't financially ready but both of us feel like if we wait too much longer it will not happen.

unsure